If You're Reading This, It's Too Late

About Pseudonymous Bosch

DISCLAIMER: Usborne books and Pseudonymous Bosch cannot be blamed for the effect of reading his books. You have been warned - there may be consequences!

Many people laugh in the face of danger but not Pseudonymous; his story had to be dragged from him with threats and bribery but now it is here written down. It is up to you whether you have the courage to follow this story of mystery, murder, strange powers and evil foes, although if you do not you may miss out on a BIG secret.

But who is PSEUDONYMOUS BOSCH? Pseudonymous Bosch is a pseudonym, or as he would prefer to call it (because he is very pretentious), a nom de plume. Unfortunately, for reasons he cannot disclose, but which should be obvious to anyone foolhardy enough to read this book, he cannot tell you his real name. He describes himself as impetuous, immature, immodest and immoderate and likes to spend his spare time eating but admits to a deep-seated fear of mayonnaise.

Writing is not his only trade; he is also a spy for a very small country but of this, for your sake and his, we can say no more. Pseudonymous writes in the dark as his words tend to scare him, the subject matter being so terrible. However the dark also scares him so the only thing that gets him through the trauma of writing is chocolate. Pseudonymous is carrying on with his writing for Usborne, despite the danger. This bravery has paid off to some extent as he has recently been nominated for a Juvenile Edgar Award in the United States, although if he wins it is doubtful he could attend in case this jeopardises his cover.

A short interview with mysterious author Pseudonymous Bosch

Q: Why did you choose the name Pseudonymous Bosch?
A: I was looking for something simple and easy to pronounce. I may have missed the mark.
 
Q: Is chocolate really your favourite food?
A: Yes.  Although I think calling it a food is demeaning.
 
Q: What are your favourite books?
A: CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY, naturally.  (There are some who say I stole the idea of writing a book about chocolate from Roald Dahl; I prefer to call his book an inspiration.)  Another favourite is THE EGYPTIAN BOOK OF THE DEAD.  I refer to it constantly.

Q: Why do you not like mayonnaise?
A: I nearly drowned in a jar when I was a baby.  In fact, I probably shouldn't be revealing this now, but the sordid tale of my brush with death-by-condiment will appear in my fourth book.

Q: What inspired this series?
A: Hmmm, if I tell you the secret story behind THE SECRET SERIES can we keep it just between us...? Very well.
The truth is, I wrote the first book in the series when I was in elementary school.  Not as a student, I'm afraid, but as a volunteer.  I was part of a program called Writing Partners wherein fourth- and fifth-grade students were partnered with adults outside their school for the purpose of exchanging writing through the mail for "comment and critique."  As peers, writer-to-writer, you understand, rather than as grown up and child.
My writing partner, May, sent me poems, stories, and a terrific cartoon strip she'd drawn about a chocolate bar that was afraid of being eaten.  I didn't have anything to send, so I decided to write her a novel-- but I couldn't think of a title I liked, no matter how hard I tried.  Well, maybe that's because the name of this book is secret, I thought.  Then I asked myself what the book should be about.  The answer was obvious...a secret!  I started by sending a few pages that I wrote under duress minutes before they were due.  But May's reaction (and the reaction of her friends) was so enthusiastic that I was soon sending larger installments, and I kept writing long after my volunteer stint was over. And the rest, as they say, is secret history.
 
Q: Have you written anything else?
A: Lists, mainly.  Shopping lists, laundry lists, that sort of thing.  A few thank-you notes when my mother made me.  Oh, and when I was a kid I wrote a story about a mouse detective and a missing piece of cheese.  Cheese, of course, being my second most favourite food.

Q: Do you plan to write anything else?
A: There is a not-so-secret secret pattern to the Secret Series.  Each book concerns one of the five senses.  Book 1, THE NAME OF THIS BOOK IS SECRET, features a box of scented vials called the Symphony of Smells, and it concerns the sense of smell.  Book 2, IF YOU'RE READING THIS IT'S TOO LATE, features a magical ball of sound called the Sound Prism, and it concerns hearing.  My new book, THIS BOOK IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU, has the Tuning Fork and concerns taste--in particular the taste of chocolate. Book 4 I just finished writing and I don't want to give too much away.  But it's going to be called THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE and it concerns the sense of sight obviously. That leaves, you guessed it, touch for Book 5.
 
Q: How did you come up with the characters of Cass and Max-Ernest?
A: Come up with them?  I think you mean to ask, how can I remember them so well? 
 
Thanks for the great questions, but remember, the books are meant to be secret. Please don't repeat a word I've said.  Or if you must, repeat only the most boring ones.  And repeat them over and over until you drive everybody away.