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Audiobooks Narrated by Lemony Snicket
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Dear Listener,
If you are looking for a story about cheerful youngsters spending a jolly time at boarding school, look elsewhere. Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire are intelligent and resourceful children, and you might expect that they would do very well at school.
Don't.
For the Baudelaires, school turns out to be another miserable episode in their unlucky lives. Truth be told, within the chapters that make up this dreadful story, the children will face snapping crabs, strict punishments, dripping fungus, comprehensive exams, violin recitals. S.O.R.E., and the metric system.
It is my solemn duty to stay up all night reading my history of these three hapless youngsters into a microphone, but you may be more comfortable getting a good night's sleep. In that case, you should probably listen to something else.
With all due respect,
LEMONY SNICKET
Dear Listener,
If you have chosen to listen to this audio for pleasure, I advise you to put it down instantaneously, because of all the audios describing the unhappy lives of the Baudelaire orphans, The Miserable Mill might be the unhappiest.
This recording contains such unpleasantries as a giant pincher machine, a bad casserole, a man with a cloud of smoke where his head should be, and coupons. If you prefer stories that are more heartwarming, please feel free to make another selection.
I also shouldn't mention the interactive features of the CD, which include:
* A perplexing word game
* Photos from The Lemony Snicket Archives
* Art from The Brett Helquist gallery
I have promised to record the entire history of these poor children, but you haven't, so please feel free to make another selection.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
Dear Listener,
I am sorry to say that the lives of the Baudelaire orphans, Violet, Klaus and Sunny, are filled with bad luck and misery. All of the stories about these three children are unhappy and wretched, and the one you are holding may be the worst of them all.
If you haven't got the stomach for a story that includes a hurricane, hungry leeches, cold cucumber soup and a doll named Pretty Penny, then this audio will probably fill you with despair.
I also shouldn't mention the interactive features of the CD, which include:
* A perplexing word game
* Photos from The Lemony Snicket Archives
* Art from The Brett Helquist gallery
I will continue to record these tragic tales for that is what I do. You should decide for yourself if you can possibly endure this miserable story.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket